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This is what I woke up to today! Bellissimo!

  • May 19, 2009

    Townshend vermont

    Friesians Of Majesty

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    Durk’s Birth!

    Staying close to woodstove and news!

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    March 10, 2011
    A Bad Habit
    Being Hard On Ourselves

    When we are hard on ourselves for any reason, we send our bodies the message that we are not good enough.

    One of the key components of human consciousness that most of us need to address and change is our tendency to be hard on ourselves. We do this in ways that are both overt and subtle, and half the work sometimes is recognizing that we are doing it at all. For example, if we find it difficult to graciously accept compliments, this is probably a sign that we tend to be hard on ourselves. Other ways in which we express this tendency include never feeling satisfied with a job well done, always wanting to be and do better, and getting mad at ourselves for getting sick. Getting mad at ourselves at all indicates that we need to rescue ourselves from our learned ability to be unkind to ourselves.

    In essence, when we are hard on ourselves, we send our bodies the message that we are not good enough. Whenever we do this, we do damage that will need to be addressed later, and we sap our systems of much-needed energy. Being hard on ourselves is a waste of precious time and energy that we could use in positive ways. To begin to understand how this works, we can think about times when someone made us feel that we weren’t good enough. Even just thinking about it will create an effect in our bodies that doesn’t feel good. We may be used to the feeling, but when we really tune into it, we instinctively know that it is not good for us on any level.

    Like any bad habit, being hard on ourselves can be a challenging one to release, but the more we feel the burden it places on us, the more motivated we will be to change. At first, just noticing when we are doing it and how it makes us feel is enough. As our awareness increases, our innate impulse toward health and well-being will be activated, moving us out of danger and into a more positive and more natural relationship with ourselves.

     

    well…..it was  beautifull sweater weather day with the the sun shining and crisp but comfortable. Drove to Il Borro 2o min from house..walked around the little teeny village took pictures then had lunch in the only place at the entrance to town called osteria il borro.

    menu felt limited….but ordered souffle of chicken livers with chick pea cream puree and fan of crispy parmigiano and a glass of chianti. i felt glaringly american because it is way before tourist season and mostly locals eating. after my food arrived..which was delicious mind you… i was aware of blonde at table in front of me (but I actualy think she was implanted from states she was speaking very fluent italian with her 2 italian friends…) her food arrives and it is a mound of fresh cooked green beans with the softest looking buffalo cheese ball mound floating on top of what looked like lentils and a sauce..yummy! so i ask the waiter..didn’t see that on the menu?..he said.oh that’s the day menu…and so  he asked if I wanted to see the menu..I said yes for next time…he brings me the same menu i ordered from before..so..I say..oh…I don’t see it on the menu…he said..oh…Its off the menu signore….

    I was so hurt…I felt like a cliché….the chump american ordering the overkill rich lunch..not by choice..or at least mine….I got sad….I was hurt….and…it made me realise…i have to find a teacher fast and get my italian so i can tease the hell out of a waiter the next time he doesn’t treat me like a local.And…I intuitively knew that I was being charged more as well…it hurts and it makes me a little mad as well.so I only left 10%…which is more than a local would..isn’t it!

    i am a bit raw at the moment and As a friend reminded me today by email…i need not to be too hard on myself right now……this is huge what I am doing…i am just starting to get it as i land and get a bit rested! but actually..i am still exhausted.

    was nice to climb back up on top of my hilltop at the end of the road and watch the sun go down..make dinner. Finished eating and about to clean table but picked up candle to blow out and…hot wax..all over my favorite sweater that i got from my dad and my fav black pants and blackberry…the end to a perfect day!

    sweater and pants in fridge after looking up how to deal with it online…i will deal with it tomorrow! UGH!!!!!

    took a bath and put some neroli on my lips that are soooo dry (smells so good and softens so well…orange blossoms if you are wondering) and read my book “the hills of tuscany” in the bath with candles that my friend in florence loaned me yesterday.turned the rest of the world completely off!! another cliché i guess.that book. but…the hell with it..it feels good to read about my soon to be neighborhood and feel the solidarity of someone else’s soul that fell in love with the same geographical location as I have ..from way down deep in our souls without any reasonable logical linear explanation…craziness for sure!

    Before I got here…back in vermont i read another of his books..ferenc mate ..but more recent…called The wisdom of tuscany.it takes a very environmental approach and keeping it local vibe to the wonderfullness of montalcino and the community and quality of life…Small town elegantly simple living that i long to call my own ..please god!

    sorry i did ramble!!!

    zzzzzzzzzz…………night night..xoxoxox

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    Donovan and Sunny…..best things I have ever done with my life!

    Miss them like crazy!

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